Monday, January 5, 2009

Resolutions [or lack thereof]

Happy New Year!
A bit late, but it still counts. Why? Because I said so, of course!
Most people make New Years Resolutions, and some people actually accomplish their goals. In years past, I've made broad, vague goals like "eat healthier" (I can't exactly say lose weight, because frankly I'd prefer to gain it in muscle), or "read the Book of Mormon" or "keep my bookshelf organized". And these are all good goals to have. But, I've never really continued on with them through the entire year. I couldn't tell you what my goals were last year if my life depended on it. I could probably guess and come fairly close, but only because I know how vague my goals have been in the past.
I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this yet, so stick with me.
This year, I thought about making resolutions. But I thought about how likely I am to keep them. And I realized, the ones that I want to accomplish, I'm already working on, and the back-burner ones are likely to stay on the backburner. Frankly, my life is busy. I barely have time to STAY in shape, let alone get in BETTER shape. I barely have time to eat, let alone think about how many calories I'm consuming. Plus, I really just don't care about how many calories I consume. If it is yummy and in front of me, I eat it.
Anyway, this year, as I've thought about this, I decided (by this year, I really mean about five minutes ago, when I started this blog) that I'm going make a different sort of goal this year. And I'm only going to make one. Because to me, it is the most important goal a person can make as a New Years Resolution, and there are many ways it can be accomplished. Also, it will help in every other aspect of my life.
My goal is not to lose weight, or to read the entire Book of Mormon, or to finish my novel (although I wouldn't complain about any of the above three happening). My goal is not to get all A's, although I will strive for this.
No, my New Years Resolution for 2009 (I really love building up anticipation, can't you tell? Not the first time I've done this either. It's the author in me, I just can't resist a good build up) is to draw closer to the Lord.
I want to become closer to my Lord and Savior.
That's all. And I think as I do this, it will affect every other aspect of my life. Now, I like to think that I have a good relationship with Him, but life is about progression. If you don't go forward, you go backward. And I refuse to let that happen. And yes, I'd do this whether it was a resolution or not, but I think it's nice to write it out, put it out there for the world to see that I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ. I am not ashamed to put my trust in the Lord, to show him that I know He can make up the difference.
Yesterday (I suppose technically it was two days ago, since it's 1:00am) I went to Justin's singles ward. I have never been to that ward, and I didn't know very many people, so I didn't get up to bear my testimony. If I had been in my own ward, even though I really don't know many people there either, I probably would have gotten up. Sunday, I felt the spirit so strongly, and I really just wanted to get up and testify. So instead, I'm going to do it here. I would rather let my family and close friends know that I have a testimony than a group of complete strangers anyway.
I know the church is true. I know without a doubt in my mind that Christ came to earth and died for me, personally, because He loves me, and wants me to return to live with Him in the celestial kingdom. I know that God loves me and watches over me, every decision I make, and I know that if I but turn to Him, he will be there waiting. Always. He will never leave me without comfort, without hope. I know that Joseph Smith was inspired of God, that he translated the Book of Mormon, and that he laid the foundations for the restoration of the only true and living church on the earth. I know that the prophet and apostles are ordained of God, and that they have power to govern His church. I've been through some difficult times, some times of doubt and unbelief, but I can say to you this day that I know all of these things to be true. It fills my entire being, the truthfulness of these things. I honestly don't know where I'd be without such a strong, sure foundation in my life. I am so grateful for all the many blessings I have received through my faithfulness and dedication to my Lord and Savior. I am so grateful for the support of all my family and friends, and for their love. I'm grateful to have so many people to love in return. But mostly I'm grateful for the amazing sacrifice of the Father and the Son, and for the chance it gives me to live with my family for all eternity.
I'm also grateful for the opportunity to share my testimony with you all. It is humble and meek, but I hope you will all take it at face value. These are the things, the thoughts and feelings that govern my every day life. These sentiments are what drive me to make the decisions I do, to live my life the way I live it.
Well, I didn't intend for this post to go the way it did, but I'm glad it did. I was sad I did not end up bearing my testimony in church on sunday, and feel much better now that I have.
Thanks for reading.


Lindsay said...

You make a good point about resolutions. People tend to focus on one thing without really considering the source or root that may need more attention.

I'm glad you have something in your life that keeps you focused and feeling happy.

Happy New Year!

Kristi Tolman said...

I really enjoyed your testimony and am glad you shared it.
Love you!